Monday, October 04, 2010

Aw Diana

She had to break up with her boyfriend today. He was apparently clueless as to his lack of boyfriendy behavior.

First off, they "got together" to be BF & GF before they ever went on a date. They had hung out together in group stuff, mostly other kids from church.

Just before heading home for summer, Diana had initiated the 'relationship' by letting him know she liked him. See, that would have been a cue to go on a DATE. But they kind of went straight to 'go steady.' When I pointed this out to my daughter, she said that kids date differently now. Um... yeah.

So they had a big hug (no kiss) and then they both went home for the summer. Sure, they texted & phoned now & then, and he even came over during fair week and spent a couple of nights in the trailer. More hugs. Still no kissing.

Also, when we'd gone to the fair, and we were waiting at the Billy Idol concert, Diana decided she wanted fries. There was a huge line. First, no offer from him to get them, or even go with her - I wound up going & keeping her company. Then later when she wanted a drink, the same thing again - he just sat like a lump. Even with the dark rides & other opportunities, there was no kissing. Hmmm.

So last month she gets back to school. By now, he's not really texting much to her anymore. She's back in her place, and he's in a new place - no call to come check his place out, or stopping by to see her.

On Wednesday, they see each other at church. She asks if they're going to actually go out together any time soon. He says he hasn't been much of a boyfriend (doh) and another hug.

Friday night there's a spaghetti dinner at church. When Diana is ready to leave, she has to find him & there's a quick hug. He knows she has to walk home in the dark through an area that is not the safest - no offer to walk her home or help her find a ride or anything.

That was the final straw. She was pretty upset.

Basically, she was carrying the whole relationship. It even sounded to me like he didn't care about her much anymore, and so it should be pretty painless to him to break up.

I told her to make a list of stuff she had expected out of having a boyfriend (like, oh, say - going on DATES), and see how many things he'd done. Zero.

So - not much of a boyfriend (boyfriend) but he's the only one I got...

He got a clue when she changed her facebook status from "in a relationship" to "it's complicated" and finally called her. She set up a meeting on campus today to talk to him.

He was totally blindsided. He said he thought she was mad at him. Well, in a way he's right. That's probably NOT the best way to handle it though - ignoring your girlfriend. He tried to tell her he had a present coming for her if she was still his girlfriend (wtf?), so she said nope. She did list off the things she had expected from him that never happened. And she let him know that if he wanted to ask her out in the future (like next year) that she might be okay with going out for starters. But she's already decided it was too much work with him.

She grew up with parents that are more partners in life than anything else. She needs a guy who will contribute to the relationship & be a best friend to her. Not a puppy, doing what she tells him to do.

Honestly - for a first break-up, it could have been a LOT harder on her. The pain of this one is already being repaired with the help of girlfriends & ice cream. Go Diana!

1 comment:

Re-Navy!! said...

omgh....yeah the first one is the hardest...but hey at least it wasnt super serious...at least it was simple and short...and good for her for finding out what she wants first. I should have done this but ya know it takes time to learn these things too. Knowing diana she is already good to go.