Know your kids

So we're hearing more on the kids involved with the school shooting. The victim is no longer in critical condition, and now just in "serious" condition.

The shooter was arraigned yesterday. It's weird driving past the courthouse and seeing the vans with the big ol' dishes and call letters I don't recognize parked out front. The brother of the shooter called the kid a coward as he was being led out. He'll be tried as a minor and will be out of jail by age 25 at the latest.

So - the victim is 16. He was cited by the police on Valentine's Day for spitting on someone (not the shooter) on the bus. He's supposed to be going to trial for possession.

The shooter is 14. He's in the at-risk program at school. So he already had issues before all this.

My own kids know if anything - be it harassment, threats, whatever - happens with them, they are to immediately let us know. In the past, we've moved them from classrooms, or taken on the bus company for allowing distructive behavior. The staff knows us by reputation and they are very accomodating. Part of this is because Trevor has an IEP for his autism. We are very "in touch" with the schools our kids attend.

Did the 14 year old have that kind of support at home? Did he realize if he was being bullied or threatened that he could go to any teacher and report it? Or did he just feel no one cared enough about him to help and so took the matter into his own hands?

Most of the teachers we've worked with are pretty good. Some are absolutely excellent and I wish I'd had them as my teachers. Then again, we have the ones just punching their clock and waiting for retirement. It's easy to tell which is which.

I don't know the shooter or victim. I know teenagers though. It's really hard to reach a kid that doesn't want to be reached. What can you do? The majority of the responsibility lies with the parents. It's up to us to know what makes our kids tick. What can you do with parents that fall down on the job? I don't know. If your kid is considered "at-risk" should the parents be made to go through counseling? Parenting classes? Boot camp? How do you fix this problem at the root?

I have personal experience with a woman who is a horrible mother, co-worker, person in general. She uses the welfare system and takes whatever she can get where ever she is. And her attitude is that her life sucks, so it's up to her to get what she wants, any way she can. Her daughter is growing up with this kind of example. She's in High School as well, and smoking at the bus stop (so far). I'll be surprised if she graduates. Mom & daughter call the police on each other a lot. They have been through counseling through the school system (at least). You can just see things getting worse & worse for both of them. What do you do? If you try to help, you get caught in mom's cycle of using everything she can from you. Ugh.

So - I don't have any answers on how to fix this kind of thing. Any suggestions?